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RadarInParadise
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Name: Audrey
Birthday: 8/9/1985
Gender: Female
Interests: LiverpoolFC, Scuderia Ferrari, Detroit Pistons, LiverpoolFC, music, travelling, reading, LiverpoolFC, sleeping, day-dreaming, slacking, LiverpoolFC....
Occupation: Student
Industry: Medical
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
10/25/2004
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| yeap. as titled. the Paradise will be moved to http://radarinparadise.blogspot.com effective from NOW.
don't ask me why. i know i had a reason to move. i just can't remember why. *shrugs*
see you guys there! | | |
| i have numerous private and unpublished posts that no one has ever laid their eyes on. i was just flipping through most of them (yeah, when i was supposed to be working on my thesis) which was written in Aug/Sep and after reading them, i had a smile on my face.
because it's an amazing feeling when i realise how much i've grown in a year's time.
randomly picked and edited (with all the xxx-s and yyy-s) a little for P&C matters, here are some of them.
i want to know when will xxx start seeing the things i see. i wanted a change and i've found my change. that doesn't mean though that i'm abandoning xxx. i've learned something new this week. if i'm not getting something in return as much as i'm giving in, maybe i should consider giving it up. quoting xxx, making the balances in life are also important.
xxx tried to draw a "key to freedom" on the card, which failed miserably. but it touched my little heart so much that i had a drop of tear at the corner of my eye.
went for a long walk to yyy in the middle of the night and it felt good. wondered if it was because of the walk or just the fact that xxx was there. i don't know why but i felt really comfortable talking to xxx. unlike a lot of people, xxx makes me think without pressure.
at the very end just before i left, xxx came up and asked "regretted staying back?". so xxx KNEW. xxx knew it all along.
there too much politics to think about. and i for one, am certainly
not suited for politics. did i really make the right
choice? i know i shouldn dwell on this question no longer, but really, if xxx
would have made that extra bit of step, xxx make me stay out of it, and probably i wouldn think as much as i am
right now. but i'm in now and will not be pulling out. i will do my best and as long as i've done that, i know i've done a great job.
i hate the fact that when something clearly going on, no one wants to
tell me the truth, or even let me know about it. and then they start bitching thinking that it'll never come back to me.
then xxx started the philosophy, telling me there WILL always be a
bunch of special people to me somewhere in the world. but cherish what i have
right now with me and live the day like it always the last. dinner at yyy with them for the first time. i felt good honestly. no pressure at all throughout the night. xxx did notice though that i tend to be quiet when i'm with new people. but i
guess, the more i hang out with them, the noisier il get.
is it just me, or Aug/Sep are always miserable?
despite that, i still believe that no matter how miserable they were (are), the sun still shines on the other side. i just have to *quoting Human Nature's House of Cards* open my eyes and see the little truths scattered all around, searching for the bright side that comes together with the bad ones.
and i know i've managed to do so without failing, every single time. 
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| hhmm.
at least 80 x 21.64 = 1731.
that's a minimum of 1731.
i'm a happy girl today. enough said.  | | |
| have you ever got to the point when you start asking yourself, how ironic can friendship be?
it can be forged within a matter of seconds. it can also be destroyed with just one simple gesture.
the reason why i always have a wall surrounding myself is very simple.
i've been through enough to understand that anything at all can happen
to friendship within a snap, and i've been through enough to realise
that i hate, absolutely hate the feeling of losing it. to people who
don't know me that well, they'll think that i'm very sociable and have
heaps of friends everywhere. in fact, that is very true to a certain
extent. but to those who know me well enough, they'll realise that in
terms of friends that i "allow" walking into my life, there are only a
very limited amount, and i'd say the majority are those from home. and
these people can tell that i really do treat them very differently, not
through actions but it's something that comes out from the heart.
i admit that recent circumstances got me into a lot
various deep thoughts that i hardly allow myself to think of. the
content of this post is one of them which i don't mind sharing (hey, i
need to let it out sometimes too, right?). things that have happened in
such a short period of time seemed like forever to me. i don't know if
that's a good thing or otherwise, but it does scare me a lot sometimes
when i think about how anything can happen to friendship and who knows,
those that i "allow" walking into my life will walk out of it any
second now. what happens then?
i guess i just have to be on my toes and be ready for anything that will hit.
and i can assure you guys that if you whom i "allow" to walk into my
life decide to walk out of it, i will not hold any grudges nor regrets
on you, because you have at least left me memorable footsteps and
shaped me into who i am right now, and who i will be in the future.
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| remember me complaining about dishes being left in the sink for more than a week? he's just gone way too far this time. all the cups and teaspoons that have been used, are now sitting in his room. for how long, i do not know. i only know that I COULDN'T FIND A FREAKING TEASPOON AND THE NORMAL WHITE CUP when i wanted to make myself a cup of Milo, all because THEY'RE SITTING ON HIS TABLE IN HIS ROOM!!!
fuck...
i wonder if i will break my own record by scolding, yes, SCOLDING, a housemate for the FIRST time throughout my 4 years in Melb.
one thing's for sure... he's definitely lucky that he's not at home now. at least it gives me some time to calm myself down and not just explode right away, right into his face.
*boiling* | | |
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